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April 2024 Babies
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unknown9273649
I’m 20 and 32 weeks along, I love my baby. My mom just informed me that she won’t be attending my baby shower because i invited my stepdad who raised me but they eventually split (He has 2 of my siblings & I always visit them, they’re a big part of my life). She wanted me to choose between them and I didn’t so she removed herself. Don’t know how to feel and honestly can’t believe the selfishness. I feel like i’m wrong for not choosing her because she’s my biological mother but honestly don’t think it’s fair and I shouldn’t have to choose because it’s supposed to be a loving day about my baby. Idk if i’m taking it very personally because of the hormones or I should be as upset as I am.
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Twolittlepeasinapod
honestly can my mom and dad be in the same room yeah but they don't like to the last time they were was my wedding almost 4 years ago. even now with kids I don't bring them together. I don't think your mom is some evil monster for not wanting to be In the same room as her ex especially since it's not even your bio dad. I had a step dad also since I wad two that my mom had two children with and then they divorced I would never make my mom be in an uncomfortable position over a man that isn't even my father
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unknown9273649
@Twolittlepeasinapod,
In different circ*mstances I would agree but my mother abandoned me at a young age and has went years without speaking to me as a teenager before, I lived with my grandma & my step dad would always still come for me since he also has my 2 siblings and he’s the only man I’ve known as “dad” he even has my name tattooed. He always claimed me as his daughter. She knows this and only stepped back into my life about 3/4 years ago. He is also catering and his side of the family has been very involved in helping me plan and paying for a lot of my things and she has not bothered to lift a finger or to even ask if I need help. Very different situations.
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Ry-Fry
Your mom tried to control the situation and didn't get her way so she is throwing a fit. Stand firm as she will probably keep attempting this until she learns it's not going to work. You're not making the choice to stay away, she is. Hopefully she grows up and realizes a relationship with her grand-kid is more important than getting her way.
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Kld0108
You didn’t choose, she chose. Just remember that. She’s an adult and should be adult enough to get over it for her daughter. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
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snowcu
She needs to grow up. You are definitely NTA.
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mum3point0
This is not about her and this is one time in your life where it really should be all about you because it never will be again!
At the same time, could this be the start of a rift between you? Is that something you want right now? I wonder if there’s someone else, like a sibling, who can talk some sense into her and remind her of the right thing to do here. It really shouldn’t be you having this conversation with her because it will become an argument and I’m sure you don’t have the energy at the moment for that…
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unknown9273649
@mum3point0,
Unfortunately I am the oldest sibling and my others don’t really speak to her. She is not a good person so my family kind of just gave up on her decisions given she is VERY hardheaded. If anything, I would be the ONLY person that she sort of respects but she has now crossed that line with me.
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kadiileddy
No, you're not. Your mom is being a bit childish and kind've making this moment about her. I would've made the same decision. My step-dad has raised me since I was 5. There is no way that I would choose b/w when both of them. sorry, not sorry.
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mmcje
I would also be upset, but try to forgive her now and just put it out of your mind. I have been struggling lately, too with forgiving family members, specifically in-laws. My sister-in-law and my mother-in-law and my other sister-in-law actually, and all for things that happened over the summer…finally have come to grips so I hear ya on the anger. It does not do to hold a grudge. And once I did truly forgive, I felt much better. That’s what we are asked to try to do anyway.
You go on with your special day as planned and be oh so thankful for the folks that are there, and then when you see her again just act like it didn’t happen. That will be a big message to her too. I am sorry.
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Funshine23
It’s extremely selfish and you’re just in your feelings. My mom is the same way for a lot. The world revolves around her. We don’t have a ton of contact-none of my siblings really do. It’s sad, especially when you “want a mother presence” there but you don’t have it. Certainly envious of the good normal Supportive mothers out thwre! But also, I know I’ll never be like her. Children’s feelings come above mine in relation to their dad/stepmom etc. I’ll always show up even if I’m uncomfortable.
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MomofZzzs
I’ve always personally felt that the one who asks someone to chose is the one that should be let go.
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4thdaveybaby
Your mom is emotionally immature. She’s choosing to miss your baby shower and using emotional manipulation to blame you ��
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